best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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