woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
