My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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