So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
