the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
