dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
