naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
