dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
