he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
