weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
