i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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