Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
