I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
