I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
