So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
