my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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