even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
