Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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