pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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