Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
