Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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