My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
