where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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