I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
