OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So here I am, sexting at work.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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