I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
