somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
