hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
