...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
