what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I woke up under a house in Key West
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