But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
