turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ladies don't puke and tell
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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