would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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