We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
