your parents love me but you hate me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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