he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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