would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
