What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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