Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
