I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
