Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
