I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
