I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
