my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
there is glitter all over my balls
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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