I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize
