she was so not down for the gang bang
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
