So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
