Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
