i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
