You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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