the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize