the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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