Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
