out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
