on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
