Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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