Dual....:-)
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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