I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
