Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
