my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mom said you looked used
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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