Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
organizing the empties. That sober.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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