her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
