You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
