was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
