I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
