she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
