I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
