I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
