You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
