If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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