Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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