White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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