Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
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Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
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Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It was a blind-side dick pic.