Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing