I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"