Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"