i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
